Friday, October 12, 2007
hrumph...
What is wrong with me? I've been in such a funk this month - possibly longer than that. I feel like I'm chasing a car that I just can't keep up with - it's just out of reach, but the faster I run the further ahead the car moves. And why is this happening? Max is getting better and he goes to clinic way less often. Shouldn't I be feeling great? Getting more done and having more time since we're not at the hospital all the time? Well, nothing's getting done. The piles just get bigger and bigger and more appear. The faster I move the faster they grow. The weight of it all is pushing down on my chest somedays and I just want to curl up in a ball in a corner and sleep for 12 hours. I'm forgetting things; forgetting to do things - that are actually written in my agenda! I'll look at that book several times everyday and still forget to do something. The kids are sleeping well at night, so I should be too. But I'm wondering if I am - I wake up every morning tired and I'm tired all day. I could sleep hours more - if I knew there wasn't a list of things to do that was growing by the minute waiting for me. Good thing I'm wating my precious time writing in my blog...
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3 comments:
Missy,
I wish I could take all this away. I hate that you have to carry this load all day everyday. It is just too much.
Thank you for unloading here today. You are an amzing Mommy who has had to be strong and carry through day to day with all the Mommy duties along with caring for Max. Your commitment and strengh is never overlooked.
Max is our warrior AND you are our hero!
Love always,
Bree
I am still convinced YOU ARE WONDER WOMAN even if you don't feel like it! I think you are amazing and have handled everything you've gone through in the most exemplary way. I just wish you didn't have to go through it all. You are an inspiration! Keep hanging in there...hang on for Cloud 6 or higher.
lisa
It's really funny but when I was working and was in an office, I didn't feel so guilty slacking while I chat with colleagues in the hallway. I guess I felt I was doing enough just by being in the office, being away from my kids.
But now at home with Sam, I feel like I should be doing something all the time, that I should not be sitting down while Sam sleeps. During a rare time when I am alone at home, I almost panic trying to think of things I should be doing.
I know it's hard but you should be easy on yourself. The fact that you are at home, mentally and physically healthy, being able to take care of three of them (one with serious illness!) should be an accomplishment itself.
Maybe we are putting pressure on you unconsciously, talking about how great you are with always a smile. Go ahead, next time I see you at the park, make a face! :-)
Shiho
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